Princesses and Cowboys and Knights

Let's talk about socially constructed identities and the cultural context on which they depend for a minute.

A comment on my original cowboy post, along with a couple of comments on Renee's post on "feminist" weddings has gotten me thinking about the parallels between princesses and cowboys and knights. These are interesting because, in our world, they represent an identity that's been ripped out of context - the social contexts that made being a princess or a cowboy* or a knight possible are extinct. And our fascination with these identities has at least a little bit to do with nostalgia for the world they inhabited, and the privileges that came along with these identities. The problem is, it's an idealized world that we pine for, and when we engage in this kind of nostalgia, we tend to remember the privilege portion of the identity, while conveniently forgetting the unpleasant aspects of the life of a princess, or cowboy, or knight. And beyond this selective memory dynamic, what kind of a person idealizes a life that was characterized by privilege that rides on the oppression of others? Don't our fantasies reveal something about us when they involve this kind of idealization of oppression?

In the case of the princess identity, there's an even deeper issue involved, where feminism is concerned. In reality, princesses were political pawns used for strategic marriages and the production of heirs. They had no control over their lives or their relationships. In the modern version of the princess, they're self-centered, spoiled, materialistic people who lack empathy and an understanding of the real world. What person in their right mind takes either of these identities as something to aspire to?!?

Based on this view of princesses, it's endlessly puzzling to me when self-proclaimed feminists defend the marketing of princess culture to little girls, or the ideal of being "princess for a day" for their own wedding. It's as if they're living in this fictional world where you get to rip the identity out of context without also taking on the patriarchal baggage attached to it. Without a patriarchal social framework, there are no princesses. Did you get that? The existence of princesses is contingent on the existence of a patriarchal power structure. No patriarchy, no princesses. The ideal of the princess is inherently tied up with patriarchy, and with the use of women as objects to fulfill male objectives, and with a deeply problematic construction of femininity. And you can't have your little princess fantasy without at the same time affirming the patriarchal construct that gave birth to it. You just can't.

Similarly, you can't have your little traditional marriage and traditional wedding fantasy without also affirming the misogynistic cultural values inherent to the traditional wedding and marriage constructs. If your father is giving you away, then you are implicitly agreeing to be viewed as male property. If you're taking your husband's name, then you're implicitly agreeing that he is the head of the family. That's just how it works. And being feminists doesn't get us off the hook when it comes to the constraints of logic. You cannot affirm two contradictory statements at the same time while still being a rational person. Claiming to be committed to feminist and egalitarian values while also acting in a way that reveals a commitment to traditional, non-egalitarian values is contradictory and irrational, not to mention inauthentic. And feminists, of all people, should be careful to be consistent and rational in their words and actions, because the old "women are inherently irrational" meme is alive and well in our culture. By insisting on clinging to a contradictory set of worldviews and beliefs and values, we simply play into the hands of those who wish to depict us as silly and irrational. And that is nowhere to be found on my list of "things feminists should do."


*I'm referring here to the idealized image of the cowboy that's so prevalent in our culture, not to the actual people who still do ranch work or ride the rodeo circuit.