Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Not the kind of change I can believe in

Content note: sexual assault

Remember a couple of years ago when the news stories came out about sexual assault at conservative Christian colleges and how extremely bad their response to sexual assault tends to be? And then shortly after that there were news reports about how the Duggar's had responded to their molestation (non)crisis, and screenshots of pages from counseling textbooks used in conservative churches made the rounds and there was all kinds of shock and pearl clutching and hand wringing for about 10 minutes until the next news cycle hit?

Well, now it's the same song, second verse, but with the Mormons. I understand that if you didn't grow up in a conservative religious environment this stuff may continue to be shocking, but in fact it shouldn't be. And asking institutions like Bob Jones University and BYU to change their approach to sexual assault and sexual assault victims is asking them not to be who they are. It rests on a lack of understanding of the most fundamental views of these groups concerning women's bodies and sexuality. This is not a surface-level, cosmetic fix. It's deep in the roots.

Used chewing gum, stuck to the bottom of a shoe
Your vagina, on sex
Think about how rape victims were treated in the Bible. Now think about the analogies that are most often used for women's bodies in purity culture. Women who have had sex are like pieces of used chewing gum. It's completely meaningless to ask chewing gum whether it consents to being chewed or not. Even if it could consent, whether it had consented to be chewed or not would not make even the tiniest bit of difference concerning the outcome. Chewed gum is no longer useful and can only be spit out in the trash.

Trash can with duct tape on it
Used tape. Don't stick it on your dick.
Similarly, tape cannot consent to being stuck to anything, much less a trash can. Even if it could consent, whether it had consented to be stuck to something or not would not make even the tiniest bit of difference concerning the outcome. Used tape is no longer useful so it can only be thrown out.

And so it is with women who have been used. In this culture it's just an odd thing to consider whether they had consented to being used or not. The simple fact that their bodies are no longer "pure" is taken as a sign of some sin, or a violation of the school code, or whatever. And the reality is, sin or no, their gum has been chewed. Their tape has lost it's stickiness. You don't want to stick your dick in that. (I maybe don't completely get how these analogies are supposed to work.)

What's surprising to me about these stories is that people who are from these churches go to these universities and are then shocked by the response when they get assaulted. The church is supposed to be a safe space - it's supposed to be about love and all that, so I get why you might expect a compassionate response. But these core beliefs make it so that, in my experience and in the experience of those individuals featured in these stories, these environments will never be a safe space for women.

So maybe what's more distressing about these stories is not just that the women who were assaulted found that is wasn't a safe space. It's that at the end of the day, it's not a safe space for any of the women there. Living your day-to-day life immersed in an environment that views you as being similar to a piece of chewing gum or used tape just isn't good for you, and kills you with a million tiny cuts that you barely perceive. Maybe you're better off to experience the big dramatic cut right away, so you become aware that you need to get out. Or you get expelled. Either way, at least you have a shot at recovery now.

15 comments:

  1. Anonymous5/27/2016

    After observing the situation that happened at my church, I would not have come forward if I had experienced assault at my christian college. Even if the administrators handle it well, there's always going to be a stigma around you once it goes public.

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    1. Agreed on the stigma thing. One of the reasons my mom and aunts give for not taking action when they found out that my uncle and grandpa had been molesting most of the female children in the family was that they didn't want us to be shamed by it. Which just reinforces the idea that the victim has anything to be ashamed about. What the fuck did I do? I was 6. He is the one who should feel shame. Zero shame here. And yet in that context their reaction was right in a way. The victim will be shamed, if by no other means than that everyone is pitying them that they must feel so ashamed. Gah!

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    2. Meggers6/02/2016

      I wouldn't have come forward either. I'm not sure how I knew, becuase I never saw anything abusive happen, but there was deep stigma around any sexual touch.

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  2. Bees Knees5/31/2016

    Totally agree with you. This is another instance of how the female body is comodified in patriarchal systems. You're no longer dealing with people as individuals, but as placeholders for a social position.

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  3. Michelle5/31/2016

    I think it's odd to expect compassion from fundamentalist churches. When the priority is to adhere strictly to the rules there's no room for compassion.

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  4. theOtherHeather5/31/2016

    It could also be that the individuals who are bringing this forward have encountered faculty, administrators, and counselors who are misguided in their desire to protect the reputation of the institution. This happens in other colleges as well. Secular colleges are also notoriosly bad at handling sexual assault.

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    1. True. Especially where there's a football team involved.

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  5. Anonymous5/31/2016

    This doesn't even touch on the other huge elephant in the room in many Christian colleges. The bizarre narative where a male student can declare that God has "called" him to date or marry a female student and then there's a lot of pressure on her to go along with it becase how can you challange God's will for your life? I've seen that storyline abused more than once.

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    1. I've seen that happen too, and it's a great indication of how accustomed people in this environment are to emotionally manipulative dynamics. It puts the woman in such an uncomfortable spot. And also illustrates how the male voice will always trump the female voice in that context.

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  6. Stephen5/31/2016

    Well you know that women are the gatekeepers to male sexuality so it was their responsibility to prevent it to begin with. That's what my sisters were taught, anyway.

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  7. Anonymous5/31/2016

    Well, ok, I think it's overly simplistic to say that in this culture women are viewed as only the chewing gum or the tape. The fact that they're expected to be modest and cover their bodies and not cause their brother to fall into temptation indicates some degree of autonomy, right?

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    1. Sure, I was being a bit snarky there. I think the gatekeeper + passive sex object narratives are inconsistent and also show the underlying conflicted feelings many people in the church have about female sexuality. And that very ambivalence is probably what leads to the unloving response that victims often experience.

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  8. This is related to the resistance from the far right to abortion in the cases of rape and incest too. Why does it matter how the fetus got there, or what the feelings of the person carrying the fetus?

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    1. Stephen5/31/2016

      But it's a very narrow concern for the fetus. There's no concern for what kind of life the child that the fetus will become will have. Just an insistence that the fetus be sustained until it becomes the child. Then it's abandoned and if it grows up in poverty that's a sign that it's lazy or sinful.

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  9. The Elizabeth Smart story falls along similar lines. She didn't think she was worth fighting for after she had been raped because now she'd be damaged goods. That's one reason she gives for not trying to escape earlier.

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