tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post8524393593458920640..comments2023-09-28T19:10:43.760-06:00Comments on The Feminist Agenda: Clean Up is Fun! or Lies We Tell Our KidsRachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08203151255248154129noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post-74911350489951106552010-07-13T21:42:25.123-06:002010-07-13T21:42:25.123-06:00I really appreciate your perspective, here. I ten...I really appreciate your perspective, here. I tend to agree, I think we need to give our children some credit for having intelligence and give them the respect of being honest. I don't mean we should burden them with knowledge that's beyond them, but the truth can certainly be served out in bite-sized pieces...and it SHOULD be. <br /><br />If my daughter complains that she hates putting her clothes away, I'm not going to be all like, "But it's fun!" No way. I'm going to say, yeah, I know babe, but at least this way you will know exactly where your favorite pants are." <br /><br />Abstinence only sex education would be really nice if it actually worked. It doesn't any more than "drugs are bad" because all things are not created equal, kids are not stupid and people want to have a good time. I'd rather tell my children the truth and teach them self-respect and model wise choices than lie to them.Rebekah Chttp://thoughtfulmomma.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post-47020248894957325702009-03-26T10:16:00.000-06:002009-03-26T10:16:00.000-06:00Thanks Lucé!And I like the way your mom handled th...Thanks Lucé!<BR/><BR/>And I like the way your mom handled the Santa Claus issue. My partner and I talk about this stuff all the time, since he's inclined to tell the kids that there's no God, that the stories about Jesus are mythology, etc, but doesn't have a problem with Santa. I want to tell the kids about what various people believe about God when they're old enough and then let them make up their own minds. <BR/><BR/>So far my stepdaughter (5) seems to believe in Santa, but not because we've explicitly told her he exists. We do say things like "Santa came last night," but given the fact that she goes Christmas shopping with us and helps us wrap gifts, I think she's kind of on to it. And if she asks me directly I'll tell her something like what your mom said. Her mom does a little more of the Santa stuff at her house (leaving out cookies, etc) but doesn't push it either, so I think we're all OK with being honest with her when she starts asking.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08203151255248154129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post-66114378503988856802009-03-26T08:31:00.000-06:002009-03-26T08:31:00.000-06:00My mom always made a big show of discussing the sp...My mom always made a big show of discussing the spirit of Xmas (giving, family, love) and how Santa was the embodiment of that. When it came time for me (about 10 or so) to ask about the reality of an actual old guy coming into our house with presents, she acquiesced on his physical being, but fell back on how Santa does exist in spirit, and is always around us at Xmas. This is something she has honored and stuck to as I've grown up. Not only did this aspect make the transition from believer to non believer easier for me, but it also never made me feel like my parents were liars, or had betrayed me in some way. Plus, it's a good way to instill the "true" meaning of the season at an early age, and ensure it will stick with 'em throughout their adult lives.<BR/><BR/>Also, I agree that abstinence education comes out of this fear of telling children realistic things, as if they couldn't handle it. I have this problem in my past/current job(s) trying to educate younger groups on healthy relationships/interpersonal violence. Teachers/Parents/Admins don't want kids hearing about scary upsetting things, but then they get older and have no idea how to handle these realities when they confront them in college/high school (etc). <BR/><BR/>Rachel, I love your blog! I always appreciate your comments on Feministing, as they are consistently one of few that are thoughtful, introspective, and willing to look at various sides to the issue at hand w/o getting uncontrollably upset, thus lacking the ability to make a cohesive argument. <BR/><BR/>Thanks for all you share in that community and here in your own space!Lucéhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06320520732884138974noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post-8262960885642868192009-03-25T08:50:00.000-06:002009-03-25T08:50:00.000-06:00I even feel a bit uncomfortable with the Santa Cla...I even feel a bit uncomfortable with the Santa Claus thing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post-51241347817330310232009-03-24T21:34:00.000-06:002009-03-24T21:34:00.000-06:00But I would characterize telling the kids we're ea...But I would characterize telling the kids we're eating bugs for lunch as teasing, not lying. And I tease my kids all the time too. But in that case part of the game is them figuring that out from my body language and tone, which seem to be valuable life skills (using non-verbal cues to aid in interpretation...). So I think there's a difference there.<BR/><BR/>As to lying about small things as compared to bigger ones... I think there are probably ways around explaining something to them that they're not ready for without lying. I mean, you can give a very, very vague description of reproduction that suited to their capacity to understand or tell them you'll talk about it more when they get older. But I'm sort of on the fence about Santa Claus.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08203151255248154129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post-18030788463518955362009-03-24T19:35:00.000-06:002009-03-24T19:35:00.000-06:00I don't often lie to my children, but it is fun to...I don't often lie to my children, but it is fun to do. For example: "What are we having for lunch?" "Bugs." "You're tricking me." "No I am not - lovely fresh juicy bugs. Let's go into the garden and collect them." "Socrates, stop teasing the children."<BR/>I see it as a way of instilling a need to think critically and think for themselves, with the added bonus of teaching them to be sceptical of authority.<BR/>As for the issue of lying being okay for you and not for your kids... well you are not equals. Just like it is okay for mummy and daddy to stay up late, but not for junior.<BR/>However, I take the point that there is a difference between lying about existence of Santa and the Easter bunny, the taste of vegetables and the funness of tidying up, compared with being adopted and conception.<BR/>When I think about it, it is probably due to the age of the child - toddlers vs teenagers. My kids are toddlers, so the joy of explaining contraception is still in the future.Socrateshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05937840372837057855noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post-66262049810792348162009-03-24T17:32:00.000-06:002009-03-24T17:32:00.000-06:00My parents lied to me about where babies came from...My parents lied to me about where babies came from. I'm an only child, and by the age of two or three, was desperate for siblings. I asked my mom how people made babies. She told me that you just had to say "I want a baby," and then you could have one. I made her say it. Unsurprisingly, the baby never came into existence.<BR/><BR/>I don't remember questioning my mom's explanation as a child, nor do I remember questioning why the baby brother or sister I wanted never showed up. Eventually, I started pre-school, made new friends, and forgot all about my request.<BR/><BR/>I think lying to kids is necessary on occasion, and when it's about small stuff (ie. cleaning being fun) or major things that toddlers aren't ready to know the full truth about just yet (ie. reproduction), it's not a huge issue. Lying about significant issues in a child's life, however (ie. whether or not they're adopted, whether their pet died or went to a farm far away), is problematic - and I'm thankful that it's something my parents never did.Torihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06365867197560454886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post-75283107504743209332009-03-24T17:10:00.000-06:002009-03-24T17:10:00.000-06:00Well, I think I'm glad I believed in Santa Clause....Well, I think I'm glad I believed in Santa Clause. But seriously, I would be more concerned that I would tell my kids too much too soon. I guess this is what abstinance-only people are scared of but I think I might actually tell kids too much too soon because I think I sometimes talk to kids like they are adults (mainly because I think they can understand a lot more than we give them credit for but to what extent?). I can't imagine lying to kids the way some people do. How much of the truth do you tell kids though? It's a good question.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com