tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post21000997126163173..comments2023-09-28T19:10:43.760-06:00Comments on The Feminist Agenda: The FalloutRachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08203151255248154129noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post-15548379877976784932010-10-29T20:08:38.766-06:002010-10-29T20:08:38.766-06:00Thanks for saying the things that need to be said....Thanks for saying the things that need to be said.dirtyhippienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post-5160695863189600232010-10-28T08:55:19.751-06:002010-10-28T08:55:19.751-06:00I remember this moment when I was probably 13 or 1...I remember this moment when I was probably 13 or 14 and I realized that my parents' disfuction had basically made it impossible for me to have a relationship with them. By that age, as a child of a really dysfunctional family you've already developed all these coping skills and have learned to shrug it off. But I started spending a lot of time with a friend who had healthy engaged parents, and one night when I was eating dinner at their house it just sort of struck me. After that point it was kind of like I started consciously attaching myself to healthy adults in my life who would act nurturing toward me. Before that I had unthinkingly gravitated toward responsible adults who would bond with me, but after that it was more of a deliberate choice.Kyleenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post-7876393609689099832010-10-27T21:37:09.523-06:002010-10-27T21:37:09.523-06:00@ Anon
I think this totally counts as disenfranchi...@ Anon<br />I think this totally counts as disenfranchised grief. Not acknowledging something is functionally the same as not approving of it.Migsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post-8162800078032980352010-10-26T10:23:40.766-06:002010-10-26T10:23:40.766-06:00To me the most damaging thing you mention here is ...To me the most damaging thing you mention here is the fact that most abusers in real life are not complete assholes - they have moments of warmth and humor and nurturing. Usually it's not portrayed this way in fiction, but you're right that it is this way in reality. There are few monsters and angels and lots of flawed damaged people in the world. It would be easier if you could just dismiss the abuser as an asshole and hate him with no ambivalence, but usually you can't.Seelynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6142743576584523533.post-77536149222659214132010-10-26T00:06:35.434-06:002010-10-26T00:06:35.434-06:00I think maybe this falls under the category of dis...I think maybe this falls under the category of disenfranchised grief. Not in the way that it's something that society doesn't approve of, but just that we don't recognize or legitimize the mundane little grieving experiences that occur from time to time when you realize that some experience is lost to you because of the abuse. Like it isn't acknowledged or expressed so it must not be valid. <br /><br />My sister was in an abusive relationship while her kids were very young, and at times she greives the loss of their baby and toddler years because she wasn't able to fully enjoy them as babies the way she could have without the abuse. I think maybe this is similar to what your talking about.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com